Press in waking up shocker

[stressederic]

Self-loathing strikes the King's Road Loadsamoneys

 

Simon Hattenstone

Wednesday March 1, 2006

The Guardian

 

 

There is a new breed of football fan trolling round town, half peacock, half cowed apologist. The peacock talks about the Premiership titles, the money, the arrival of Eto'o or Ballack or God if he turns out to have two decent feet. The cowed apologist mutters that, of course it's great to be winning, but it wasn't meant to be like this.

Mike is a diehard Chelsea fan. Season ticket, away matches, the lot. A few weeks ago he muttered that he wasn't going to the FA Cup replay against Everton - he couldn't afford it for one, and (the mutter now barely audible) he quite fancied a break. Mike, a man of boundless energy and optimism, sounded weary. "Everybody thinks it must be fantastic, but it's not all wine and roses," he said elliptically.

 

 

Article continues

 

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A couple of nights ago in the pub I was chatting with a friend about Chelsea - how the stakes were now so high that they could win the Premiership title by a mile and still have an unsuccessful season. Mid-sentence I got a tap on my shoulder. "I heard what you were saying," said a big bloke who looked as if he'd win any arm-wrestling competition down the Shed. "I'm a Chelsea fan." Great. Here we go. I waited for the headbutt. "I agree with everything you were saying, mate. Chelsea have given me no pleasure this season. Nothing. Zilch." He didn't want to talk about any number of functional 1-0 wins or Makelele's marshalling of his seven-man defence, he wanted to talk about Hudson and Osgood, Zola and Gullit, flair and romance down the King's Road, the glory years when they won the FA Cup and sod all else. The one thing he didn't want to talk about was modern Chelsea.

Steve, the fairest man I know, is also a Chelsea fan. He explains why they are no worse than Man United or Arsenal were, and tells me that everybody hates winning teams - that's just the Robin Hood way of the world.

 

Well, I say, I'm not so sure - United had so much home-grown talent and played the beautiful game, Arsenal played the even more beautiful game. By now Steve is not only nodding, he's helping me out, talking faster and faster. "They're like that Harry Enfield character Loadsamoney, flaunting it, rubbing our faces in it. We know football's become like that, but we don't want to be constantly reminded." Steve, like Mike and the arm wrestler, are on the verge of becoming self-haters.

 

At least, Chelsea self-haters won't find themselves short of fellow flagellators. Last week Barcelona's Lionel Messi said: "There are players here who hate Chelsea more than Real Madrid." More than Real Madrid! Now that is going some. The reaction to last week's defeat against Barcelona was astonishing. It felt as if England had beaten Germany; as if Barcelona were both local club and underdog. Why? Because it was a victory for vision and adventure, a defeat for cynicism and conservatism.

 

So what has changed in a year to make Chelsea possibly the most despised club in the world? Yes, obviously, there's money - we came, we saw, we spent, as Caesar would have it. But Barcelona are also fabulously rich. So what else?

 

Mourinho. We always knew the Special One was narcissism personified, but he was witty with it. At least, he was while he had it all his own way. But now Chelsea have lost a few matches? He won't talk to the press, he makes pre-emptive excuses (before the Barcelona match he mentioned how many penalties they had won this season, and how many players had been sent off against them. The implication? They were cheats). After the match, in which Asier del Horno was sent off for fouling Messi, he waxed sarcastic about Messi's theatrics. (Pot, kettle, Arjen Robben anybody?) As for the disgraceful pitch that looked as if it would suit the hard men of Chelsea more than the Barcelona ball players? Last week, pre-match, it was fine. This week, post-match, it is being relaid. So no coincidence there, then?

 

None of this bothers Mourinho, of course. He is happy so long as they win. But for Boss Abramovich, it's a different matter. Sure he may have bought Chelsea as his plaything, but make no mistake he always wanted to turn it into the richest football club in the world. The latest Deloitte "rich list" put Real Madrid (with turnover of £186m) ahead of Man United in second (£166m), with Chelsea (£149m) in fifth. Why? Because they sell more shirts around the world. And why do Real Madrid and United sell more shirts than Chelsea? Simple. Because, despite all their detractors, over the decades they have wooed their fans with romance, history and thrilling football.

 

Guardian

 

Not something you read everyday.

[Cobs]

More Southern Guardian bias against Liverpool

[CarraLegend]

More Southern Guardian bias against Liverpool

 

Do you have "More Southern Guardian bias against Liverpool" "But he's obsessed with us" "Release the hounds" and some other s**** about mockers all in microsoft word ready to copy and paste as needed or something?

[matty]

Is there some kind of notify procedure that tells Cobs whenever Chelsea has been mentioned in a thread?

[stressederic]

Is there some kind of notify procedure that tells Cobs whenever Chelsea has been mentioned in a thread?

 

Its the Cobs Signal. It's like the Bat Signal, but this one shines into the Greyhound.

[Earl Hafler]

[Cobs]

Do you have "More Southern Guardian bias against Liverpool" "But he's obsessed with us" "Release the hounds" and some other s**** about mockers all in microsoft word ready to copy and paste as needed or something?

 

I also have

 

I blame Thatcher

Do i win £5?

Feck off Scot

BAN MURPH!

know your football sonny

 

and many more.

[sean]

I'm in the wrong game. I told you all this last year

Edited March 1, 2006 by sean

[Jonesy]

 

I also have

 

I blame Thatcher

Do i win £5?

Feck off Scot

BAN MURPH!

know your football sonny

 

and many more.

 

 

we all have f*** off cobs you cockney c***!

[Cobs]

we all have f*** off cobs you cockney c***!

[Jonesy]

 

i shag em you eat em! Next time you have lamb ask yourself who's the Daddy!

[Guest Scot]

 

MODS: We need a seduction reading on this sheep

[Benitez]

i shag em you eat em! Next time you have lamb ask yourself who's the Daddy!

 

 

[R A Softlad]

 

I also have

 

I blame Thatcher

Do i win £5?

Feck off Scot

BAN MURPH!

know your football sonny

 

and many more.

 

 

Now available on K-Tel records, Cobs sings the I hate the blues...

[Cobs]

Now available on K-Tel records, Cobs sings the I hate the blues...

 

 

send a cheque or postal order for £39.99 to the Greyhound Pub, Kew...

[Sir Tokyo Sexwale]

when did the sale start?

[Falconhoof]

Decent article ruined by the reference to the Deloitte 'rich list' at the end. As if Abramovich gives a toss if Chelsea increase their turnover and overtake United and Real madrid's earnings. They'd still be paying out more in wages.

[Maldini]

I'm in the wrong game. I told you all this last year

Yeah but you only did it to make a killing on Betfair...

 

...Good article, stating the obvious a bit though. I think the fall out from the Robben dive against us and the Barca game pushed a lot of people past saturation point regarding Chelsea. Football is all about romance and there is nothing romantic about Chelsea's monotonous march to glory. Maybe it's just because it's more fresh, but I don't remember feeling this level of distste for United at their peak, even through all the hate there was at least a grudging (oooooh-so grudging) respect because most of the time they deserved it (apart from the mystery seven minutes of injury time which led to the first title on their run) Chelsea don't capture anyone's imagination. They're like Ivan Drago to our Rocky.

[jimmylibel]

They're like Ivan Drago to our Rocky.

 

So long as the Mancs are Apollo Creed, it's all good.

[cymrococh]

Maybe it's just because it's more fresh, but I don't remember feeling this level of distste for United at their peak, even through all the hate there was at least a grudging (oooooh-so grudging) respect because most of the time they deserved it

Always hate Man United far more than Chelsea. Respect? Loathing more like.

 

Chelsea are an irrelevance compared to those c*nts.

[John am Rhein]

Always hate Man United far more than Chelsea. Respect? Loathing more like.

 

Chelsea are an irrelevance compared to those c*nts.

 

Repect? Loathing?

 

Put me down for total hatred

[Maldini]

Always hate Man United far more than Chelsea. Respect? Loathing more like.

 

Chelsea are an irrelevance compared to those c*nts.

I mean respect only in the sense that they earnt their glory

[cymrococh]

I couldn't give a sh*t what they got or how, f*cking hate them.

[Guest Jack Bauer]

Death to Man Ure.

[growler]

I hate manure more, but to be honest, would feel a bit weird if the scum were to go to wall, whereas if the russians suddenly went bankrupt, I would be well happy. Weird? Who cares?

 

Chelsea are nonetity. People woh think history will be kind on them, liverpool fans will tell anyone that history is not forgotten. ever.