27 Things You never Knew

[Stanley Leisure]

Typical bored at work stuff but made me chuckle - not too dissimilar to the chuck norris ones:

 

They're all true....

 

 

 

1. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game

of tennis.

 

 

 

2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David

Hasselhoff allows to live.

 

 

 

3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

 

 

 

4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's David

Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third

girl he had slept with.

 

 

 

5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and

instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

 

 

 

6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff could

use to kill you, including the room itself.

 

 

 

7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan

borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back.

 

 

 

8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.

 

 

 

9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn

needs to lie the f**k down.

 

 

 

10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet.

The water gets David instead.

 

 

 

11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.

 

 

 

12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records

it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff, and those

listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching

him.

 

 

 

13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up

with lactose's s***.

 

 

 

14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.

 

 

 

15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.

 

 

 

16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At

night.

 

 

 

17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists

entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

 

 

 

18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his

Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his

"Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

 

 

 

19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and

won.

 

 

 

20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a year

later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's.

When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because Grammy's are for

queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

 

 

 

21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky child to

be thrown into the sun.

 

 

 

22. When David Hasselhoff does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's

pushing the Earth down.

 

 

 

23. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow

motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno

erupts behind him.

 

 

 

24. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire

spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

 

 

 

25. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate

every last unicorn in existence.

 

 

 

26. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.

 

 

 

27. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an

immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched himself

in the face.

[owenthomas]

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[R A Softlad]

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[Stanley Leisure]

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[Jonesy]

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