Mad Uncle brian

Murphman · August 20, 2015

This should be in the rant room really but here goes.

So I'm around Mad Uncle Brian's house this morning with a mate of mine. He's 80, a truly astonishing man, essentially Father Jack without the drink problem but equally as funny. We were in his back garden watching my friend who's an electrician fitting an external socket for his new mobility scooter soon to be delivered, courtesy of the RBL and hopefully in time for his 80th birthday in September. He's regaling us with his bullsh*t stories including how much he used to like gardening as he pointed at the weeds outside his old people's flat, to which I was laughing my head off and telling him he's a lying old twaat who never mowed a lawn in his f*cking life when by pure coincidence two women turned up completely out of the blue and unannounced walking straight into his garden.

'Hello, who are you?'

'We're from L&Q housing and we're here to warn your dad about the state of this garden'

'Warn him what?'

'It's his responsibility to keep the garden tidy'

'He's 80 years old and on a stick, he's disabled, how's he going to do that then, he can barely walk let alone pull weeds up?'

'It's in his tenancy agreement he has to keep the borders tidy.'

'Well we're here helping him with a mobility scooter power point, he can't garden so hard luck'

'He'll have to make arrangements then'

Like what?

'Pay somebody to do it'

'He's skint, he's a pensioner and he hasn't got any money'

'Well he'll have to get his family to do it, if he can't do it it's YOUR responsibility'

'Well to be honest LOVE I thank the lord he ain't my dad, he's my uncle. I live 6 miles away but even if I didn't and say he was my dad, his garden is NOT my responsibility and you're harassing an 80 year old, your attitude is dreadful to anybody, much less an old person, what do you propose to do about it then?

'I'll write to him, expect a letter in the post. We used to have money for this kind of thing but it's gone down a big black hole' (I kid you not)

'Really, on that note, why are there two of you wandering around on garden watch, why do you need two people?

'You'll be hearing from us' she hissed and off she waddled, the old cow'

Thanks for listening oh and f*ck off Kahnee.

Edited August 20, 2015 by Murphman

Molby · August 20, 2015

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