Something close to the ideal woman?

[Sir Tokyo Sexwale]

sodjna;sm zxlk[nsijna

 

Only crisps

 

I'm not a fan of the cooked meal. I'm much happier with Monster Munch crisps – beef flavour; I wouldn't touch pickled onion. When I open the bag, I check if they have enough beef coating on them; if it's not enough, I'll throw them away. Sometimes there's a nugget of pure beef flavouring at the bottom, which is delicious. You could say I'm a connoisseur.

 

I've been eating two family-size bags a day for two years, and little else for the past decade. My shopping trolley looks as if I'm having a children's party. The idea of eating anything else is repellent; I don't like being full and bloated, which is how "proper food" makes me feel. I have a tea for breakfast, skip lunch and then I'm ready for my first large bag of crisps at around 4pm and my second bag at 8pm. During the day I'll have a few cups of tea and sometimes a cola. I don't get ravenous because my body is used to it after all these years.

 

The only time I'll eat anything else is a family meal at a restaurant. Then I'll pick at a piece of dry chicken and a morsel of bread, just to stop people nagging at me.

 

I've always been a fussy eater. I can remember my mum trying everything to get me to eat healthily, cooking spaghetti bolognese and chopping up veg, which I refused to eat. She finally said, "If you don't eat that, there's nothing else." "Fine," I replied, "I don't want anything."

 

I was happiest eating junk food. Having my five a day was unthinkable – I couldn't even manage one a day. At 11, I became chubby and then came the teasing. Fat Debs was my name at school. This time in my life became very dark. My confidence was low and I became anorexic, bulimic and addicted to exercising. At 15, I weighed seven stone and ended up in hospital, but I thought that was an overreaction by the doctors. I felt fine and was busy at college, studying health and fitness. I am a very strong-minded person and just batted away other people's attempts to intervene.

 

I got a job at the local pool and saw the female lifeguards eating peanuts during their breaks. They were excellent swimmers, so I decided that must be the answer and took to eating just dry-roasted peanuts, and bread sprinkled with salt.

 

At 20 I became pregnant with Luke, now 11, and I had massive cravings for chicken nuggets and ice cream. As soon as I gave birth, I went back to being a "selective eater", as they call it, just nibbling the odd chicken nugget when I was feeding them to Luke. I always made sure Luke ate sensibly and I don't think my diet has affected him – he's not fussy. He's a typical man – put his dinner in front of him and he's happy.

 

When Luke was five, I bought a packet of barbecue-flavoured crisps and that was it: I was in love. I didn't eat anything else for the next eight years, until the day I decided to go wild and try Monster Munch. They had been a childhood treat, and they became my crisp of choice.

 

When I first got together with my boyfriend Gerald eight years ago, he cooked me a shepherd's pie, and wrote my initial in the mash. I was touched, but it didn't make me eat it. I ended up telling him all about my teenage eating problems and it helped him understand. I cook for Gerald and Luke, and at Christmas I have the whole family round for roast turkey and all the trimmings; I find cooking very satisfying, ironically.

 

Rationally, I know that my diet isn't healthy, but I'm not about to change it. At 31, it feels like it's too late; the damage is done. I feel I will always have issues with food. Hypnotherapy doesn't appeal – I tried it a few years back when I was concerned I was putting on weight and it put me off eating altogether, which wasn't great given my history.

 

Day to day, I'm fine. I don't get ill more often than anyone else, although my nails are weak and my gums bleed when I brush my teeth. The doctor has said I am anaemic but hasn't forced me to change my diet. I'm not underweight – I'm a size 12-14; family-size bags of crisps are pretty high in calories.

 

It works for me at the moment and I'll just keep plodding along until I decide maybe it's time for a change. I'm not embarrassed about it, but I do wonder why people think my crisp diet is so special.

[Ibby]

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[Sion]

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[Falconhoof]

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[_00_deathscar]

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[libero]

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