People who have done my head in

charlie clown · January 4, 2011

over the Christmas & New Year break.

The festive season is a great opportunity to watch more telly than usual and consequently provides the average forumite to induge in a favourite pass-time: nurturing irrational hatred and violent tendencies towards celebrities. Some of my picks from the past couple of weeks:

1) Drew Barrymore: who the feck decided she was a 'Hollywood beauty'? In profile she looks like her head's been carved out of cheese by some f***wit who's trying to create a sculpture of a nursery rhyme mister moon. From full on her gob slides weirdly to the side of her head every time she speaks. No need for her at all.

2) Jamie Oliver: 'bash it in'. ''bang it in', mate'. 'bit of the old', 'this litlle baby', 'wazz it up', And then he goes and gets his feckn kids in on the act. Singing. FFS.

3) Carlo Ancellotti: thoroughly decent bloke in every respect, but what's with the ultra-weird left eyebrow with a mind of its own? Plain wrong.

4) Catherine Tate: it's been a good Christmas. I haven't seen one single programme with her in it. But she's on posters. So the thought that she's out there somewhere has worried me. I want to relax, not be afraid to put the telly on. Feck off.

5) 'Keith Lemon': Jeez. Us. Like a Carry On script got stuck in a time warp but somehow had all the charm ripped out of it and had it replaced with tediously repeated lowest-common-denominator t** jokes. That he appears mainly onlate night ITV tells you everything you need to know. Death is the only realistic option.

matty · January 4, 2011

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