When an article just hits the nail firmly on the head...

[DJS]

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Sky's the limit but their punditry is limited

This weekend saw the return of domestic football and, with it, the loud, brash, 'look at me' banner waving of Sky Sports.

 

Not that this comes as a surprise or, indeed, to the detriment of the viewer. Sky have been exactly the same since day one when they rolled out the cheerleaders and Richard Keys' hands were still impossibly hairy.

 

If you put your mind to it, you can almost successfully zone-out whenever Sky's follically over-compensated ringmaster bellows at you to 'WATCH IT IN 3D! GO ON! IT'S DEAD GOOD! I PROMISE!'

 

One area, however, in which Sky have become more irritating is in their deteriorating quality of punditry and their obvious sycophancy towards certain members of the footballing world - and apparent agenda against some others.

 

Watching the Community Shield, yesterday, you could almost be forgiven for thinking your television was autonomously flicking between MUTV and some sort of anti-Capello propaganda channel.

 

It started off all harmless enough, with Keys peddling out cliché after cliché about how 'it's good to be back' with 'the best league in the world' and him trying to flog you 3D TV, much in the same way as you would expect a street merchant in Marrakesh to try and palm a dodgy Rolex off on you for an unnecessarily exorbitant price.

 

Then Redknapp opened his mouth.

 

While he must be congratulated in managing to curb his misuse of the word 'literally', he threw away any chance of having his first decent game when he launched into an off-topic 'Capello has lost the plot' rant.

 

This rant can be summarised as: 'Capello is not good enough because he's not English enough'.

 

You almost get the feeling that he won't be happy until his old fella, whiter-than-white, diamond geezer, Harry Redknapp gets the job.

 

When, finally, Redknapp had tired himself out, picked up his dummy, and settled down for a nap during the game (not that it'd make much difference to his inane, paint-by-numbers, makes-Mark-Bright-look-insightful effort of an 'analysis' if he actually did falls asleep during the game) it was time to roll out an interview with His Holiness Lord Almighty The Overseer Most High Sir Alex Ferguson, to give him his full Sky Sports infobar name.

 

Well, calling it an 'interview' is probably over-egging it somewhat. That would imply probing and helpful questions were asked. They weren't.

 

Instead, Geoff Shreeves, boot polish and tongue at the ready, proceeded to make Jonathan Ross and Terry Wogan look like the Spanish Inquisition.

 

No queries on Michael Carrick's miraculous recovery, from being ruled out for two weeks on Friday to starting one-and-a-half days later. No probing on the possible transfer of Mesut Ozil. No anything.

 

The interview basically condensed into:

 

GS: "Good to be back, isn't it Sir Alex?"

AF: "Yes it is."

GS: "You're great."

AF: "Yes I am."

GS: "I love you."

AF: "I know."

 

Of course, the coverage of the game itself was, as usual, high quality stuff. No one can argue about that.

 

It's even possible to put up with the odd bit of salesmanship from Martin Tyler and the general torrent of verbal diarrhoea from Andy Gray. Although, even they are partial to a bit of a love-in.

 

After Javi Hernandez scored his farcical face-plant, complete with equally farcical badge-kissing celebration, Tyler and Gray waxed lyrical about 'yet another young gem unearthed by Sir Alex' and marvelled at his ability to find young talent, conveniently forgetting the likes of Tosic, Manucho, Djemba-Djemba, Liam Miller and Dong.

 

Although, to be fair to Tyler and Gray, they may have genuinely forgotten about them, such was their pointlessness.

 

After the game it was back to Richard and Jamie in the studio for, yet another edition of, the mind numbing state-the-obvious championship.

 

Sometimes you have to laugh at the sheer shallowness of it all, if only because the alternative is to put your foot through your TV.

 

http://halftime-oranges.blogspot.com/2010/08/skys-limit-but-their-punditry-is.html

 

Superb stuff.

[Rory Fitzgerald]

Double post, see below.

Edited August 10, 2010 by Rory Fitzgerald

[Cobs]

GS: "Good to be back, isn't it Sir Alex?"

AF: "Yes it is."

GS: "You're great."

AF: "Yes I am."

GS: "I love you."

AF: "I know."

 

 

[Kahnee]

Brilliant!

[DJS]

GS: "Good to be back, isn't it Sir Alex?"

AF: "Yes it is."

GS: "You're great."

AF: "Yes I am."

GS: "I love you."

AF: "I know."

 

 

 

That was a particular highlight

[Rory Fitzgerald]

Shallow is a very apt word to summarise Sky's analysis.

 

I wont go into the rights and wrongs of it, but in Ireland, people almost look forward to the analysis than the match. We could debate for hours that its not necessarily insightful rather, entertaining but it shows that Sky could improve their coverage almost infinitely if they could get the guests and punditry right. After all, they come on the tele at 3pm or 3.30pm and stay on until 6.30pm. Thats 2.5 to 3hrs with the game only taking up 1.5hrs, there is a huge hole to fill and they continue to fill it with vacuous pr!c£s like Keys and Redknapp.

[Benzo-13]

They signed Keys and Gray on the cheap and some how they became "the voice of football".

 

It's football coverage for one cell lifeforms.

[downunder]

They signed Keys and Gray on the cheap and some how they became "the voice of football".

 

It's football coverage for one cell lifeforms.

 

Keys was lucky, he was low level as Sky had some football and he was doing an OK job, then they get the Premier league and they stuck with hims (sadly).

 

Paul Dempsey did the World Cup in Aus, he was pretty good, is he still part of SKY too?

[Maldini]

Dempsey = Partridge

Edited August 11, 2010 by Maldini

[Stevie H]

not that i'll see it but sky's coverage of us against arsenal will be interesting. well when i say interesting, i mean sh*te, patronising and murder-inducing. bet you any money they open with rafa's 'rant'.

[Zoob]

not that i'll see it but sky's coverage of us against arsenal will be interesting. well when i say interesting, i mean sh*te, patronising and murder-inducing. bet you any money they open with rafa's 'rant'.

 

More likely to discuss the fact that Roy Hodgson will always play his best 11, and won't waste time with that crazy zonal marking. And if Gerrard plays centre midfield, even if he has a stinker, Redknapp will be positively masturbating over the fact that he's being played in his preferred position (as opposed to being wasted further forward where he can score 15-20 goals a season).

[Snookie]

More likely to discuss the fact that Roy Hodgson will always play his best 11, and won't waste time with that crazy zonal marking. And if Gerrard plays centre midfield, even if he has a stinker, Redknapp will be positively masturbating over the fact that he's being played in his preferred position (as opposed to being wasted further forward where he can score 15-20 goals a season).

And where at least one of the scrotal faced, hairy palmed pricks was suggesting he should be playing for most of the last two years.

 

 

 

[Stevie H]

More likely to discuss the fact that Roy Hodgson will always play his best 11, and won't waste time with that crazy zonal marking. And if Gerrard plays centre midfield, even if he has a stinker, Redknapp will be positively masturbating over the fact that he's being played in his preferred position (as opposed to being wasted further forward where he can score 15-20 goals a season).

i reckon they'll open the show with a rafa benitez montage making out the 'only' thing he did was istanbul. then it'll be on to pastures new, an english manager who understands the league and all those things you mention.

[downunder]

i reckon they'll open the show with a rafa benitez montage making out the 'only' thing he did was istanbul. then it'll be on to pastures new, an english manager who understands the league and all those things you mention.

 

They will open with Fergie claiming the first prize of the season surely?

[Dan]

I imagine they will be opening with a moth banquet. On Keys' hands.

 

 

[MarkD]

They'll open with the Arsenal 'kids' getting off the school (team) bus in their uniforms; then list the Arsenal missing/injured and how it has already de-railed their championship challenge thus taking the pressure of Wenger and finally question, "is this the year Liverpool finally...dump zonal marking, Jamie?"

[Benzo-13]

Just noticed.

All the adverts for the Premier League on Sky have the Manc Ribbons on the trophy and OT in the background.

WTF is that about?

[Sion]

Act I, Scene I

*Pictures show Roy and the lads walking down the corridor to the dressing room*

Keys: A NEW START AND A NEW MANAGER. WE'RE AT ANFIELD FOR THE OPENING WEEKEND...AND WHAT A GAME WE HAVE FOR YOU TODAY.

*Pictures show Wenger and the Arsenal players walking down the corridor to the dressing room

Keys: He's here (Fabregas) as is he (Van Persie) both START this afternoon.

 

Keys: Welcome to Anfield where blah blah blah.

Cue montage showing how s*** we were last season with some corny music such as Queen Under Pressure and about 6 different shots of us low down the table (just what every Liverpool fans wants to see apparently). Not forgetting the face Gerrard pulled against Birmingham away. Then it shows Hodgsons first press conference and the music changes to something more upbeat.

Montage ends and Keys and Redknapp discuss the merits of Roy over 'Benitez' and how Liverpool needs an English manager who understands the club and the PL and won't rotate. Amounts Rafa paid for players will be grossly over-exaggerated by Jamie Redknapp and then the token other guest will be someone like Phil Neal who just happened to work with Hodgson on an outward bounds weekend in 1978 and tells us all how fantastic he is. 'Will Roy let Liverpool play with more freedom Jamie?' 'they'll conclude yes, Benitez made the players play with lead weights in their pockets on purpose just to spite english people.

 

Meanwhile I'll have a stroke through rage.

[floyd]

Just noticed.

All the adverts for the Premier League on Sky have the Manc Ribbons on the trophy and OT in the background.

WTF is that about?

you saying Sky favour the Mancs? Never.

Next you'll be saying they will be advertising with an Ex Manc player, who the term "flat track bully" was invented for (add Graeme Hicks also).

Mind you, Sky do like to have a w4nkfest over Cantona, Exhibit 1 - return game after ban, Robbie fvcking scores two belters, but these tw4ts go overboard on a guy scoring a pen (which should never have been given)

[Benzo-13]

Act I, Scene I

*Pictures show Roy and the lads walking down the corridor to the dressing room*

Keys: A NEW START AND A NEW MANAGER. WE'RE AT ANFIELD FOR THE OPENING WEEKEND...AND WHAT A GAME WE HAVE FOR YOU TODAY.

*Pictures show Wenger and the Arsenal players walking down the corridor to the dressing room

Keys: He's here (Fabregas) as is he (Van Persie) both START this afternoon.

 

Keys: Welcome to Anfield where blah blah blah.

Cue montage showing how s*** we were last season with some corny music such as Queen Under Pressure and about 6 different shots of us low down the table (just what every Liverpool fans wants to see apparently). Not forgetting the face Gerrard pulled against Birmingham away. Then it shows Hodgsons first press conference and the music changes to something more upbeat.

Montage ends and Keys and Redknapp discuss the merits of Roy over 'Benitez' and how Liverpool needs an English manager who understands the club and the PL and won't rotate. Amounts Rafa paid for players will be grossly over-exaggerated by Jamie Redknapp and then the token other guest will be someone like Phil Neal who just happened to work with Hodgson on an outward bounds weekend in 1978 and tells us all how fantastic he is. 'Will Roy let Liverpool play with more freedom Jamie?' 'they'll conclude yes, Benitez made the players play with lead weights in their pockets on purpose just to spite english people.

 

Meanwhile I'll have a stroke through rage.

 

Glad I'll be in Vegas for this.

[Kurt]

 

Keys: He's here (Fabregas) as is he (Van Persie) both START this afternoon.

 

[Benzo-13]

you saying Sky favour the Mancs? Never.

Next you'll be saying they will be advertising with an Ex Manc player, who the term "flat track bully" was invented for (add Graeme Hicks also).

Mind you, Sky do like to have a w4nkfest over Cantona, Exhibit 1 - return game after ban, Robbie fvcking scores two belters, but these tw4ts go overboard on a guy scoring a pen (which should never have been given)

Oh totally get that what with the 15mins of propaganda on SSN the last two weeks of July but Chelsea are the champions, it's downright crap.

[Coyler]

Oh totally get that what with the 15mins of propaganda on SSN the last two weeks of July but Chelsea are the champions, it's downright crap.

Yeah, that's pretty blatant all right. Very strange.

[Duncan Disorderly]

positively masturbating

Is it ever negative?

[Raj]

"When, finally, Redknapp had tired himself out, picked up his dummy, and settled down for a nap during the game (not that it'd make much difference to his inane, paint-by-numbers, makes-Mark-Bright-look-insightful effort of an 'analysis' if he actually did falls asleep during the game)"

 

That is impossible and a downright lie.

I know that Mark Bright is a no nothing c***.

s*** footballer, s*** pundit and a c***