Fight Club

[Sir Tokyo Sexwale]

Daleks, Cybermen...

 

Doctor Who: the monster-off

 

Would the Weeping Angels beat the Daleks in a fight? Is there still a soft spot behind your sofa for the Silurians? It's time to tot up the baddies' scores

 

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Doctor Who weeping angel

 

It all depends on whether eyestalks can blink: a Weeping Angel v the new-look 'iDaleks'. Photographs: BBC

 

In tomorrow evening's episode, Doctor Who does what it has never yet managed since the revival – brings back an already classic monster from the new era (the Slitheen didn't really cut it). The Time Of Angels sees the return of the Weeping Angels– "quantum-locked" statues that come alive when no one can see them – which were last seen in Blink. A generation of kids will soon be scared to shut their eyes, and it's hardly a spoiler to reveal that this time they're even worse.

 

To celebrate this new slew of nightmares, we thought we'd face off some of the deadliest creatures from old and new Who. So which of the baddies would win in a fight?

Daleks

 

The Doctor's ultimate enemy. The pepper-pot battle-bots house a green slimy thing inside, which used to be a creature called a Kaled from the planet Skaro, which mutated from humanoid form after a war with the Thals. Now, their only purpose is to obliterate all that is not Dalek. They go about this in increasingly ostentatious ways, but always seem to allow the Doctor just enough time to escape.

 

Might: That egg-whisk may not look much, but then their only instinct is to kill you with it 8

 

Scariness: You wouldn't think so to look at them – it's probably something to do with the voice 6

 

Prettiness: The most unlikely design classic in the history of time 8

 

Allegory: They're supposed to be Nazis, you know 9

 

Persistence: The whole point is they keep coming back 10

Cybermen

 

The Cybermen are bionic people gone wrong. Originating as organic humanoids from Earth's twin planet of Mondas, they upgraded themselves with mechanical parts until every human emotion had been removed. Every science-fiction series needs a race of deadly robot people, and they survive as the Doctor's second-most famous enemy.

 

Might: When they faced off against the Daleks in Army Of Ghosts, they didn't stand a chance 6

 

Scariness: An army of them marching toward you is not very nice at all 7

 

Prettiness: Hollow-eyed men-in-cloth in the 60s, ridiculous Bacofoil men in the 80s, they got a sleek art-deco upgrade in the new show 8

 

Allegory: An over-reliance on technology is bad, kids! 8

 

Persistence: Only the Daleks have proved more of a menace 7

Weeping Angels

 

"Quantum-locked" hunters from the beginning of the universe. When observed they turn into stone, meaning you're safe so long as you don't shut your eyes. Apparently the only creatures in the universe to kill you nicely – they zap you back in time and let you live to death. Or do they?

 

Might: Undecided. We won't know quite how powerful they are until tomorrow night 6

 

Scariness: Without doubt the most psychologically terrifying creatures the show has ever produced 10

 

Prettiness: Lovely decaying grey statues 8

 

Allegory: We're not seeing much here, sorry 2

 

Persistence: They make their second appearance tomorrow, and we can assume they will be back 7

Sontarans

 

Potato-headed clone race from the planet Sontar. They are bred for war, and see honour in battle. As a result they're not necessarily evil, and their plots usually come over as a little daft, like when they developed evil SatNav in Tennant story The Sontaran Stratagem.

 

Might: What they lack in height they make up for in weapons tech 8

 

Scariness: Too ridiculous to send you far behind that sofa 5

 

Prettiness: No, not really 4

 

Allegory: The Doctor calls people out as racists when they say "they all look the same" 6

 

Persistence: Five appearances in the main show, plus one in Sarah-Jane 7

Silurians

 

Reptile people so named because they originated from that period in Earth's history – they were the planet's first sentient species. Geological upheaval sent them into hibernation deep inside the Earth, only to be repeatedly awoken, setting out to banish humanity and reclaim the Earth. They just don't know how to make nice, and they're this year's big returning villain from the old series.

 

Might: Once tried to extinguish humanity with a deadly virus 6

 

Scariness: Scary in the way that reptiles are scary 6

 

Prettiness: The redesigned Silurians from the new series are gorgeous, I promise 7

 

Allegory: There's a vague ecological subtext here 6

 

Persistence: They return in a two-part story later in the run 8

[theredfella]

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[Duncan Disorderly]

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[theredfella]

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