Child abuse

Zoob · August 13, 2009

Just needed somewhere to vent about this...

My step daughter is 7. Her dad is an abusive pathological liar. When my stepdaughter was 4, she came home from a weekend visit with the dad and had bruising on her lower back and bottom because she'd been crying in the bath, and he spanked her so hard he ended up bruising her. He's still never taken responsibility for this (he said the bruises were from her playing on the floor).

This lead to a PFA - Protection From Abuse court order which meant supervised visitation and no over-night visits. This PFA lasted about 18 months. Her first over-night visit after this was Xmas eve, and (presumably because of nerves) she wet the bed, but was too embarrassed to admit it, so the father put her in time out for 'lying' about it. (So first thing on Xmas morning, she had to sit in time out).

Since then, he has continued to be horrible, but has managed to just about stay on the right side of breaking the law (his abuse has been more psychological than physical - for example not letting her take her security blanket on weekend visits, punishing her if she's sad because she misses her mum, telling her to eat stuff and if she throws up, he'll make her eat the vomit

Stepdaughter just spent 2 weeks with the dad as part of court ordered Summer holiday visitation. Most of the time she wasn't even allowed to talk on the phone with her mother, but one time she told us she'd spent an entire day writing lines because she didn't eat a ham and mustard sandwich - she was never asked whether she wanted mustard - how many 7 year old kids like mustard?

For punishment, sometimes he spanks her, but more often he makes her do exercise (which is stupid as it can make kids associate exercise with punishment. When she got home, she told us that because she hadn't eaten some other food she didn't like, he'd made her do these exercises. She did them for so long, she had blisters on her feet, but when she wasn't doing the exercises properly, he would punch her in the stomach (which typically doesn't bruise very easily). Another time, he hit her in the face. He also threatened to use the belt on her, and on another occasion said he'd put scissors under her so if she didn't do the exercises properly, the scissors would go into her stomach.

We contacted Department of Family Services about this, but they don't seem too bothered. They might come round and interview my step daughter, and they said they'd speak to the father (who will just lie), but it is almost as if because my stepdaughter has no marks from being hit, they can't really do anything about it - it's like they'll wait till she's seriously injured before ordering the protection she needs.

So she has another weekend visit coming up tomorrow and we will probably need to keep her home - be in contempt of court - and then pay thousands of dollars in lawyers and court costs, which even then won't guarantee she will get the protection she deserves. Unfortunately court cases aren't like they are portrayed in the movies. Being in the right and trying to do the right thing have little bearing on outcome. After he abused her 3 years ago, he was ordered to undergo parenting and anger management classes. He did neither, and despite my step-daughter's counselor saying over-night visits should not yet resume, the judge didn't care and said they should resume immediately.

I am so fekin angry. Horrible evil bully punching his own daughter. Makes me sick.

New York Red · August 13, 2009

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