How boring

February 10, 2008

So I back out of my driveway last night to pick up the 12 year-old grandson, travel 70 yards down the road and take the lefthand bend. Before I've gone another thirty yards, there's a police car behind me, lights flashing, siren going and left indicator out. I drive past one turning and the cops are still following me. I turn right and stop.

The cops stop behind me. A policeman and woman get out and ask me to turn the engine off and get out. This I do. I ask what's the matter. They reply we saw you driving erratically down the road and going slowly. (I kid you not). I look at them in disbelief. 'Of course I was. I was only 70 yards from the bend, there's a 30 mph speed limit and there are speed bumps as well. I'm hardly likely to be driving at over that speed am I?' So why didn't you stop when we followed you with the siren after the bend? 'Because your left indicator was out and I thought you were turning left.' But there is no left turning, they reply. 'Yes there is, it's just before that small garage. Over there, see it?' So why didn't you stop after it when we continued on? 'Because stopping there in that narrow lane would have caused an obstruction. That is why I turned right and stopped.' Oh. Have you been drinking, sir. 'No, I am teetotal. And before you ask I wouldn't be seen dead anyway in the Maypole' (that is the pub on the bend). Oh, okay Sir. Mind how you go. Mind how I go???? They made me late for the ££$$***! pickup. Surprised they didn't get out a sheaf of forms to spend halfhour filling in. They were obviously two members of the Constabulary with time to burn. *** off.

Duncan Disorderly · February 10, 2008