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Laughing at Ireland

Gilps

By Gilps
in General Football Discussion

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Gilps

Gilps

Posted
Posted

is no less funny because it's so easy

 

From today's Fiver

 

(NIL) NIL ADMIRARI

 

Though he'll be neither blindfolded nor tied to a post, 25-year-old Federico Valentini will tonight face a firing squad. His crime? To have been born with marginally more goalkeeping talent than any of San Marino's other 26 inhabitants. In terms of haplessness, his is a vocation that ranks somewhere below being Jade Goody's PR toadie and John Prescott's toilet seat. The good news for Valentini, however, is that fellow Euro 2008 Group D whipping boys the Republic of Ireland will be spearheaded by Robbie Keane, a shi ... sorry, hitman who can't even score against occasional MU Rowdies stand-in John O'Bese.

 

The task of trying to play alongside Keane as he wanders all over the pitch, collects the ball, beats two men, then loses it and lambasts the referee, falls to Shane Long - a promising 20-year-old striker Reading signed along with Kevin Doyle in 2005 even though he wasn't even getting a game for Cork City. Long's lot is easy compared with the role assigned to Kevin Kilbane, who, following the return to the Irish line-up of a certain Levante-based left-back, will yet again have to serve as Ian Harte's keks, covering the defender's ar$e as his lack of pace, positional sense and concentration is laid bare. "The key to beating San Marino will be a high tempo," hollered Harte, as Richard Dunne extolled the virtues of a calorie-free diet and Stan "Steve" Staunton began calling for oratory to be made an Olympic sport.

 

While Stan doesn't have a clue, Damien Duff has a hunch, one that gives him a wonky gait as he lurches down the wing and loses the ball like a man who once had plenty of talent but lost his hunger, confidence and way. It's hard to imagine anything happening tonight that could return Duff to what he used to be or make Ireland's qualification bid any more credible. But bettering Germany's 13-0 dismemberment of San Marino would do no harm. But, at odds of 79-1, 0-0 looks a better bet.

Snookie

Snookie

Posted
Posted

I've got a really bad feeling about this evening. I've been going to Irish games since the late 60s (the '69 game against the USSR was my first) and I dont think I've seen a worse selection. When you are welcoming back Ian Harte, god help us. Add Stan's management abilities to that and...

Mono

Mono

Posted
Posted

We can't have Stan managing this team in Croke park.... The GAA will be laughing all the way to their summer camps!

Snookie

Snookie

Posted
Posted

:lol:

 

Impossible not to laugh.

 

same here. and the replays make it appear even funnier. Has there been a more comic international goal ever. it was the goal scoring equivalent of ronnie rosenthal's miss against villa.

jimmylibel

jimmylibel

Posted
Posted

Has he resigned yet? In a way I feel sorry for him, he should never have been given the job in the first place.

 

So would I if he had any shame, but the way he tries to gloss over it in his interviews and put a brave face on just makes it worse. I know he hasn't a clue how to handle the media but even he should know that he's totally going to wrong way about that. Just another reason why he should never have got the job in the first place.

Snookie

Snookie

Posted
Posted

How soon before there are calls for 'Roy' to do his duty?

 

So would I if he had any shame, but the way he tries to gloss over it in his interviews and put a brave face on just makes it worse. I know he hasn't a clue how to handle the media but even he should know that he's totally going to wrong way about that. Just another reason why he should never have got the job in the first place.

 

Agree totally with this.

Snookie

Snookie

Posted
Posted (edited)

Read elsewhere he said "they were always going to be a handful" is this true?

He said that with the kind of straight face only an idiot could manage.

Edited by snookiejane
jimmylibel

jimmylibel

Posted
Posted

Read elsewhere he said "they were always going to be a handful" is this true?

 

Yep. With a straight face. Look at the thread about the international matches... a good few of his quotes there.

Ostrich Man

Ostrich Man

Posted
Posted

He said that with the kind of straight face only an idiot could manage.

its still that image of him coming up behind ray houghton during that pre-match interview last time.

 

 

He's the manager of Ireland.

 

Holy f***ing christ.

 

 

 

roy wouldnt touch with bargepole.

hagi_complex

hagi_complex

Posted
Posted

its still that image of him coming up behind ray houghton during that pre-match interview last time.

 

I'd forgotten about that. A truly bizarre incident. And possibly his finest hour as Ireland gyaffer.

Snookie

Snookie

Posted
Posted

Quotes from the BBC:

 

 

Republic of Ireland boss Steve Staunton says his side displayed "tremendous fighting spirit" to beat San Marino 2-1 and move to third in Euro 2008 Group D.

 

"We controlled the game from start to finish and could have scored six or seven but we were sloppy at the back.

 

"We should have been three or four up at the break but didn't put away our chances so we need to be more ruthless.

 

"We had four chances after they scored and thankfully scored one. We have two big games to look forward to at home."

 

News conference: Rep Ireland boss Steve Staunton

 

The Republic boss argued that "San Marino were always going to improve as the group went on" despite the minnows having conceded 25 goals in their first three qualifying matches.

 

"The lads are disappointed with the performance but I am delighted to get the three points with two matches at Croke Park to come."

 

 

This morning they look/sound even worse than they did last night. It reads like a poaddy version of Alan Latchley, Peter Cook's great football character. Have a listen to Latchley and ask yourself which sounds less like a parody/

 

Click here to listen

Ronnie Whelan

Ronnie Whelan

Posted
Posted

I broke my a*** laughing when the San Marino goal went in, throughly astonishing stuff from Ireland. I appreciate Stan was appointed with Bobbie Robson in tow, but the Bobby was not in the best of health prior to his appointment so there was always going to be times when Stan was left on his own. Surely Delaney is as much to blame for this as Stan. Stan is to blame for the audacity he displayed in actually taking the position.

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