Following Recent Heightened Terrorist Activity

[Swagger]

The European Security Situation:

 

Due to recent events the British have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the IRA London bombings and before that, the great fire of 1666.

 

Also, the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

 

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

 

Life has changed in Spain too since the Madrid train bombings. They have cut short their traditional siesta time from three to two hours. Furthermore, in order to improve public security on the streets at night, the authorities have instituted a strict curfew between the hours of 4 a.m. and 5 a.m., so everyone has to have dinner and get home much earlier in the evening.

 

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

 

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday, as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

[John am Rhein]

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