GRAND SLAM SUNDAY

[Sir Tokyo Sexwale]

It's almost time for Grand Slam Sunday on Sky Sports. I know this because all week an excitingly chunky GRAND SLAM SUNDAY graphic has been popping up on my TV screen accompanied by the words: "Don't forget! It's Grand Slam Sunday!" Why grand slam? Because all four "majors" are in action: Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool and Manchester United. And it really is very exciting. When Richard Keys looked straight into camera on Wednesday night, eyes moist with a kind of glee that can only be described as sensual, and said "Don't forget! It's Grand Slam Sunday!", something primal stirred within me. Could this be the most exciting day in the most exciting league on the most exciting TV channel and, by extension, the most exciting occasion not just in the history of civilisation but in any humanly imaginable future? Quite possibly, yes. Which is all very well - but is it dangerous?

 

Levels of excitement this high can often stray into something sinister. The Victorians would often talk of elderly relatives suffering from excitement or "enthusiasms" shortly before locking them up in a draughty sanatorium; as in, "Mother has been terribly excited of late - she talks of nothing but fairies, strange mists and Andy Gray shouting 'You just do not save those - take a bow, son!'" It's definitely contagious, too. This week, just imagining how loud the Sky Sports "whoosh" noises are going to be when a graphic appears on screen, or a replay is queued up, I began to hear my own whooshing noises. Pour milk into bowl - whoosh! Leave house - whoosh! Go back for umbrella, barking shin on chair leg in haste - whoosh!

Asked to give an opinion on anything at all I imagined myself answering in a fast-edited montage, with shots of a moody Jose Mourinho, Rio Ferdinand jumping on my back, and Arsène Wenger shaking my hand as I say, "No, I don't think it is going to rain after all."

 

There may be another side to all this. Some observers of the Grand Slam Sunday phenomenon have suggested it may be possible for something to be so exciting that it becomes, in practice, really boring instead. In which case, what are we to make of all this apparent excitement, not least among Keys and his fellow Sky presenters? How do you tell if something is actually exciting, or if the people excited by it are just excited by their own excitement at being so excited, like a bunch of giggly six-year-olds who keep saying the word "cheese" until it becomes the most hilarious thing since somebody kept saying the word "orange" last week.

 

Most likely, rather than the dangerous force of nature it might appear, the excitement surrounding Grand Slam Sunday is willed excitement, like the willed high spirits of a bunch of Americans shouting "Whoo!" and "Get in the hole!" at each other until they're convinced they must be having a good time. Peer pressure is at work here. The excellent Martin Tyler, ringmaster for the occasion, was almost demoted last season for not sounding constantly excited enough, although he has since remembered to shout "DROGBA!" a lot more.

 

On reflection, Grand Slam Sunday is possibly not the threat to public health it seems at first glance. But just to be on the safe side, here's hoping for a couple of 0-0 draws.

 

always good to see some real perspective

[Kahnee]

Feckin' joke this. If this is GRANDSLAM SUNDAY, then what are they going to call it when it becomes a title decider in May?

[Guest Kev]

And ofcourse the fact that we all play each other on the same weekend is nothing to do with Sky

[Kahnee]

And ofcourse the fact that we all play each other on the same weekend is nothing to do with Sky

 

[McBain]

Both games will be damp and not particularly exciting. I couldn't care less as long as we win and the other 3 teams have multiple injuries

[JohnnyH]

Jesus, people really aren't happy unless they're whinging are they!

 

f***in' get over yourselves. It's a big Sunday of footall and I'm really looking forward to it. If it doesn't interest you then go and watch baseball on ESPN.

[Kahnee]

Jesus, people really aren't happy unless they're whinging are they!

 

f***in' get over yourselves. It's a big Sunday of footall and I'm really looking forward to it. If it doesn't interest you then go and watch baseball on ESPN.

 

Get over yourself, luv, it's not the matches that we've got a problem with - rather Sky's approach to the coverage

[JohnnyH]

Get over yourself, luv, it's not the matches that we've got a problem with - rather Sky's approach to the coverage

 

So they've paid a fortune to have this coverage and you have an issue with them trying to promote it as much as they can?

 

The greedy b******s. What next? Corn Flakes shamelessy have an ad on ITV?

[McBain]

Calm down dear, it's only a commercial!?!

[CaptainXabi]

It'll be all to play for going in to the final 34 games

[Earl Hafler]

They can promote it as much as they like, obviously, but when they start billing matches in September like title deciders, then yes - I have a problem with that.

In the same way, I have a problem with people banging on about who's top/bottom/in the CL places before Xmas. It all adds to the unnecesary hype surrounding the game, the moron element goes mad and managers get sacked in the blink of an eye.

 

Sorry if my views offend, like

 

Richard Keys - So, Charlie-employee-of-Sky-Nicholas...is this really the best league in the world ?

Charlie Nicholas - Oh, definitely. I don't watch any of the other leagues so this must be the best.

 

Grand Slam Sunday. s*** the f***ing bed, they're not kidding, are they ?

[Kahnee]

Richard Keys - So, Charlie-employee-of-Sky-Nicholas...is this really the best league in the world ?

Charlie Nicholas - Oh, definitely. I don't watch any of the other leagues so this must be the best.

 

Grand Slam Sunday. s*** the f***ing bed, they're not kidding, are they ?

 

Even R5 have started using it

[JohnnyH]

They can promote it as much as they like, obviously, but when they start billing matches in September like title deciders, then yes - I have a problem with that.

In the same way, I have a problem with people banging on about who's top/bottom/in the CL places before Xmas. It all adds to the unnecesary hype surrounding the game, the moron element goes mad and managers get sacked in the blink of an eye.

 

Sorry if my views offend, like

 

 

Ok, ok, ok, I'm possibly been a bit over the top and I apologise if I offended.

 

I have no loyalty to Sky but I just feel that people pretty much go out of their way looking for things to be offended by. Who cares how they promote this thing. With the 4 top team in England playing each other on the same day, I would doing my nut if I was the head of sky and they didn't milk it for all it's worth.

 

Just my opinion and I respect everyone elses views, even yours.