AndyM

Fernand Torres can walk and chew gum. At the same time. Fernando Torres can pee in his sleep and wake up as dry as a bone. Fernando Torres like big butts and he cannot lie. The other brothers tried to deny this, but Torres smoted them good. Fernando Torres once put out the sun by beating it in a staring contest. The result of this was known as the Ice Age.

We should scrap this match and just have another 3 hours 'debate' on how unhappy Gerrard is. f***ing bad knobheads on Sky. Redknapp being the worst of them all, the whopper.

I heard that Bellamy called Riise a c*** but Bellamy said no YOU'RE a c*** and then this went on for 22 minutes til Rafa came in and give Bellamy a set of golf clubs that were personally given to him by Bill Clinton for his birthday and Rafa shouted "Craig, f***in t*** this ginger meff" but Bellamy was trying to be good and mend his ways and RIGHT THEN his halo fell off so he thought ah sod it let me at this one-footed out-of-position-all-the-time really really bad player who also stinks of wee and he battered him really hard and now Riises in a coma and Bellamy's hiding out in Cuba til it all blows over. Just what I heard.

Let's be honest, how many of us can honestly say they'd turn down the chance to t*** Riise with a big stick? Bellamy's jiust liviing the dream, man.

This week's edition has got a minute-by-minute analysis of how the Mighty Blues went to Anfield and brought the cup home, plus a detailed route of where the open-top bus tour is going. Here's a picture of that route up County Road-------------------------> <------------------------then back down County Road Order your copy now and you could win a FREE* cardigan as worn by the Moyesiah himself! *You won't get a free cardigan

Yeah, they do. It's the one that's got the "... we don't care what the reds**** say..." line in it. Oh, hang on.

Heard that about 10 times in total. 3 times just before he was taking a free-kick. I was f***ing praying he'd bury one in the top corner to shut the gormless c**** up.

Any team comes to Anfield with pretty much a full-strength side and plays like that is a small team. FFS, even Watford attacked us more than they did today. I'd say they should be embarrassed, but I know they're f***ing made-up. They come out with that Peoples' Club bulls*** and are then suddenly outraged when Rafa tells it like it is. It's laughable. f*** them.

Yes. Tevez is one ugly motherf*****. Javier can do sooo much better.

With Javi in the side we're always winnin' We sang about him before Stevie Finnan Something something something something loose women Platini is a c***horse

Dudek Palletta Zenden

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RIP.

Pennant Garcia Morientes

Zenden Zenden Zenden

Nope. I didn't even know he was playing 'til the sub was announced...

Against Chelsea in the semi at OT last season, I was in the first row and, during the warm-up, Riise tried to control with his right foot and it bounced over to me. As I threw it back to him, I was gonna shout something about him being a rubbish ginger mong, but didn't wanna affect his confidence. As it happens, he scored the first and played a blinder. So I was glad I never called him names and changed the course of history, FOREVER.

Very average in his first season, improved greatly in his second and has been consistently top-class since. In a few games this season, though, he hasn't been himself and looks knackered to me, badly in need of some of this rotation malarky that's quite popular, even if it's only 1 game out of 10. Problem is, there's nobody anywhere near good enough to fill in for a game.

Off to Chelsea. Done deal. Three squillion a week. Didn't play so he wouldn't be home league game-tied, thus reducing his price.

My initial reaction was that we were starting with a weakened side so we'd probably only win 2-1. This prediction was looking good round about the time we went 2-1 up and was proven to be correct just after the ref blew the final whistle, confirming we'd won 2-1.

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912

Boss.

Just can't picture him in a Liverpool shirt. But I wouldn't be surprised to see it happen.

Press me, baby.