Quality Observer article on BBC TV footy punditry

[Cunny]

http://football.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/...1724011,00.html

 

Turn off and tune in to radio

 

Paul Wilson's trenchant comments last week on TV coverage of football produced a huge response from our readers, all agreeing with him. Pity they didn't register with the BBC pundits on duty last Wednesday

 

Will Buckley

Sunday March 5, 2006

The Observer

 

 

With just 100 days to go England has gone Bent,' said Gary Lineker, using a crass mix of pun and innuendo to introduce live coverage of a friendly match against a team chosen because they rhyme with one of England's World Cup group opponents.

If that made you wince, what followed on the BBC1 prime-time broadcast would have made you despair. Given five minutes to fill before England and Uruguay kick-offed, Alan Hansen, Alan Shearer and Ian Wright were flummoxed. Shearer, a creosote fence upon which others can sit, said: '99.9 per cent of the squad has been chosen.' Even allowing for the fact that footballers count up to 110 per cent (to incorporate their agents' fees) this still made no sense. Yet it was marginally preferable to Wright dreaming of 'giving Uruguay a good hiding. It would be good.'

 

At half time, the tin-eared trio degenerated further as they chuntered on about a sweepstake no one else was privy to and complained that England were only behind because of a 'wonder goal'. Apparently, these don't really count, and, come to think of it, Ronaldinho's in the last World Cup should have been disallowed on these very grounds, in which case England would have won on penalties, because they always do, and gone on.

By the end, England having beaten a team who failed to win any of their 10 away games in failing to qualify for the World Cup, the goons, adopting the low standards they presumably apply to their own work, agreed it had been 'fantastic' and 'great stuff'. The programme ended with: 'Crouch gets off the couch to prove he's no slouch.' Which, in its use of a treble ouch, at least summed up their pundits' efforts.

 

The letters written in response to Paul Wilson's article last week suggest that many of you find the pundits unilluminating. They fail to cast any light on proceedings and, as they blunder around in the dark, they do not even entertain.

 

There is neither wit nor insight, just stuff and drivel. The only qualification for the job is having represented your country at the highest level. Eloquence or a semblance of critical acuity is surplus to requirements. They are employed for what they once were rather than how they might appear. They are beneficiaries of the Old England Cap network.

 

It is a chauvinistic system, which will only grate more come the World Cup when blind patriotism will compound the darkness and the viewer will be left having to witness hysterical studio celebrations if England win and grunts and whinges if they don't.

 

It is odd that the BBC, so keen to air programmes that tell us 'How to...' cook, dress and maximise our profits on the housing market, should not have given a thought to instructing highly paid employees how to make a television programme. This failing became explicit when Sally Gunnell, ending her gushing broadcasting career with her first meaningful contribution, complained that the Corporation had given her no training. To which the BBC might reply: 'Where do you start?' To which the viewer might reply: 'If that's what you think, why employ her?'

 

It is also odd that the BBC football department never employ someone to leaven the diet by providing the other side's point of view. On Wednesday, for instance, it might have been more instructive to hear from Gus Poyet on the Uruguay team than Wright on his chances of winning the in-house lottery.

 

And it is downright bizarre they never listen to their own radio station. On Wednesday, Alan Green, Terry Butcher, Graham Taylor and Mike Ingham commentated on the game with a humour and honesty so lacking with the Old England Cap network, even if Butcher, an experienced manager, is eligible for membership. If someone was playing poorly, they said so. If they were irked by the plethora of substitutions, they said so. If they thought Paul Robinson constituted a health risk to his own team-mates, they said so. They offered their opinions - pretty much the sine qua non of being a critic or pundit - and stood by them when challenged. They did their job.

 

So skewed are the priorities that doing this only leads them into trouble. When Green gave his opinion of Bolton, thereby upsetting Sam Allardyce, he was chastised by those who must feel that critics should not criticise and must think that the vital thing when discussing Big Sam is not to irk Big Sam.

 

On BBC all that is necessary is that you are recognisable and uncritical. Their choices are more patsy than pundit - employed to work in the same way as Unilever might sign up a soap star to shift product. And, as a result, the BBC's coverage is now studded with forgettable adverts that most viewers wisely skip.

 

It is most unlikely that anything will change between now and the World Cup. The BBC squad is probably, in the words of Shearer: '99.9 per cent chosen'.

 

Perhaps, though, they might use that 0.1 per cent of opportunity to welcome back an old employee to the team. Interviewed on The Guardian website last week, David Icke said: 'The BBC sports department when I was there was seriously to the right of Ghengis Khan and if people think I am strange they should have met some of the production staff I worked with. Margaret Thatcher and the Queen were the pin-up girls for many of them. I hope it's different now, for the sake of those who work there. As they used to say about the BBC - they get so confused they stab each other in the chest.'

 

Now that's the kind of hard-hitting punditry we could do with hearing a lot more of in Germany.

[Kvarme Ate My Food]

I have worked in BBC Sport and the production staff are indeed a bunch of c****

[Ripley]

Will Buckley is frequently a fool, but he's got this one right.

 

It's almost impossible to believe that after the fiasco that was Sports Personality of the Year and subsequent outcry over Lineker's gurning innuendoes and Sue Barker's, "keeping Gavin Hnson out of Church" link that whoever does the scripts for the cheeky chappy can still come up with an opener like, "England has gone Bent", this week.

 

I have worked in BBC Sport and the production staff are indeed a bunch of c****

You are David Icke etc

[Spike]

David Icke would be a brilliant pundit - blaming lizards and that for defeats and offsides.

[Kvarme Ate My Food]

I'm not quite sure how Hansen qualifies for the Old England Cap brigade, mind

[Tosh]

Pougatch, Green and Quinn

 

Dream team that. Well compared to the normal drivel...

Edited March 5, 2006 by Tosh

[Cunny]

Pougatch is very good.

He did the world club championship games with Hansen and Lawrenson. He actually asked them questions that required them to come up with a technical analysis of the game, instead of the usual quip trading that Lineker gets them to do.

[aka Dus]

I'll be chosing 5Live commentary from teh red button thingy for any games I watch on the Beeb. Otherwise, I'll be sticking with RTE, whose pundits are the best in the business, for many different reasons.

 

The BBC should get Martin O'Neill back for the telly.

[Barnes' left foot]

Lineker is a piss poor presenter.

 

Can't stand his little 'jokes'.

 

Think I'll be tuning into Radio 5 for the World Cup commentaries.

[Cunny]

they never had the 5Live interactive option for the Uruguay game.

which is worrying, they better have it for the world cup,as a month of Motson and Le Saux will do my head in

[Guest Budo]

Lineker, Hansen and... Whoever else they drag in are annoying ****'s!

 

MOTD was a prime example last night. Hansen's phone went off "Haw haw haw" went the jug eared one. "Tee hee hee" went the ever-so-slightly effeminate one (did he really used to play for us?)

 

It is like an old boys club. Everyone's a little too comfortable I think.

 

Five Live Footy = Quality!

[johnboy4]

Got rid of Sky Sports a couple of months ago. I thought I would miss it but I have rediscovered 5 Live, and Test Match Special for the cricket. Agree about Lineker, he should go, but as long as Ian Wright, Garth Crooks and John Motson follow him.

[Knox_Harrington]

Pougatch is very good.

He did the world club championship games with Hansen and Lawrenson. He actually asked them questions that required them to come up with a technical analysis of the game, instead of the usual quip trading that Lineker gets them to do.

Steve Wilson's commentaries were very good for that too.

[Herbie von Smalls]

whoever does the scripts for the cheeky chappy can still come up with an opener like, "England has gone Bent", this week.

he scripts his own 'funnies'... on motd anyway.

[Michael]

David Icke would be a brilliant pundit - blaming lizards and that for defeats and offsides.

 

All the debates would be about was the tail interfering with play.

[Maldini]

Lineker, Hansen and... Whoever else they drag in are annoying ****'s!

 

MOTD was a prime example last night. Hansen's phone went off "Haw haw haw" went the jug eared one. "Tee hee hee" went the ever-so-slightly effeminate one (did he really used to play for us?)

 

It is like an old boys club. Everyone's a little too comfortable I think.

 

Five Live Footy = Quality!

The fact that the show isn't live and they still left that in says it all about the programme.

[growler]

I didn't think anyone listened to the commentary on the screen whilst watching the match. I've always listened to 5 live instead when I was in england, and now in Oz, I'd rather watch it muted, and make my own judgment, rather than listen to the coverage here. who needs to hear that ' liverpool had it easy last year because we never came up against a Real Madrid?'

 

talk about your dream job. Be as bad as you like, watch a sport you live, and get paid ridiculous money for it.

[Gilps]

We all know that the BBC telly coverage is diabolical. Doesn't stop Buckley being a complete bellend.

[Greenoak]

I dread Jonathon Pearce on the world cup.

 

He will do his usual fake accents for players names which does my head in.

 

If he does an italian game he just sounds like a london pizza boy with all his del pierrrrrooooooo. He makes every players name about 20 letters long. Hyypia becomes hyyyypppppiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[Herbie von Smalls]

We all know that the BBC telly coverage is diabolical. Doesn't stop Buckley being a complete bellend.

amen

[Ed the Wool]

Lets face it, a lot of people who watch footy are complete morons. They are catering to the lowest common denominator. Sadly the news is becoming increasingly like that as well. But compared to Townsend, Earle and McCoist, the BBC's lot look like University challenge winners. And the isn't the borderline psychotic hyperbole, hype and bias that comes with Sky's lot, in fact Sky occasionally have Gary Mac and Niall Quinn amonst others, who aren't half bad. And Thommo who is completely biased, but thats how I like it.

[Stevie H]

I dread Jonathon Pearce on the world cup.

 

He will do his usual fake accents for players names which does my head in.

 

If he does an italian game he just sounds like a london pizza boy with all his del pierrrrrooooooo. He makes every players name about 20 letters long. Hyypia becomes hyyyypppppiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

see i don't mind pearce that much. he's infinitely preferable to the insane motson.

 

all you want of a tv commentator is to report what is happening on the pitch, not to spout off personal anecdotes or attempts at comedy. just report what is happening.

[aka Dus]

Love him or loathe him, and whether you agree with him or not, he's never boring...

 

RTE have the best pundits in the business - and the best policy of just letting them off the leash:

 

 

ON Cisse - " here we have Cisse, right wing, attempts to put in a cross, BANG...hits the full back, again BANG hits the full back, BANG...off the full back again, and once more, BANG...smacks the full back again.... Millions of euro and he can't clear the first man, I mean...what's he trying to do to the full back here, Kill him??"

 

 

On Kewell - "Eamon, how did you rate Harry Kewell ?"

 

- "Fat. And a clown. A fat clown for all to see."

 

 

On Fowler - "An overweight has been. He's got more money than Liverpool!"

 

 

 

Mourinho didn't escape either :

 

"A bluffer who just got found out. Will never be at the tactical level of Milan or Barcelona, doesn't even have the footballing intelligence even to know why Barca beat him. Look at his claims that the best team didn't win. Ridiculous. He's a bengal lancer"

 

 

 

ON Cisse and Garcia - " It was Ragball Rovers out there with Cisse and Garcia. Look at Cisse. Somebody thought he was worth £14 million at some stage. He's no left foot and no right. £14 million and counting. They bought him a big mansion in Cheshire and now he's no more than a part of the landed gentry. Absolute rubbish "

 

 

On Garcia - "What do you do with Garcia, I'll tell you what to do with him, he should be put in a rubbish bin where he belongs "

[Guest Walter Sobchak]

Love him or loathe him, and whether you agree with him or not, he's never boring...

 

RTE have the best pundits in the business - and the best policy of just letting them off the leash:

ON Cisse - " here we have Cisse, right wing, attempts to put in a cross, BANG...hits the full back, again BANG hits the full back, BANG...off the full back again, and once more, BANG...smacks the full back again.... Millions of euro and he can't clear the first man, I mean...what's he trying to do to the full back here, Kill him??"

 

 

On Kewell - "Eamon, how did you rate Harry Kewell ?"

 

- "Fat. And a clown. A fat clown for all to see."

On Fowler - "An overweight has been. He's got more money than Liverpool!"

 

 

 

Mourinho didn't escape either :

 

"A bluffer who just got found out. Will never be at the tactical level of Milan or Barcelona, doesn't even have the footballing intelligence even to know why Barca beat him. Look at his claims that the best team didn't win. Ridiculous. He's a bengal lancer"

 

 

 

ON Cisse and Garcia - " It was Ragball Rovers out there with Cisse and Garcia. Look at Cisse. Somebody thought he was worth £14 million at some stage. He's no left foot and no right. £14 million and counting. They bought him a big mansion in Cheshire and now he's no more than a part of the landed gentry. Absolute rubbish "

 

 

On Garcia - "What do you do with Garcia, I'll tell you what to do with him, he should be put in a rubbish bin where he belongs "

 

I want RTE